Now a year into retirement, it seems an appropriate time for assessment. Has it met expectations? Have there been any surprises? Is there anything missed?
Leading up to it, I'd counted off the years, months and weeks. It was always that distant promised land of freedom in both time and money. After some four decades, work had become so tiring and monotonous, going over the same old things….meetings, staff dramas, organizational demands, conferences….'strategic plans,' reports, budgets, etc. Ugh! I envisioned the joy I'd find in the freedom; focusing on personal organization and projects, doing all the things I'd put off so many years.
Like a marathon, though, those last laps were the most grueling. Finally, my successor at Children's Cancer Cause started the week of Thanksgiving 2020 and I phased out by year-end. The long-awaited day had arrived! Independence!! "No more classes, no more books, no more boss' dirty looks."
It's hard to believe that was a year ago. So, how has it gone?
The transition was unique because it happened in the shadow of COVID. Under normal circumstances, there would still be meetings and conferences in Washington and my absence might have been conspicuous in some quarters. But in 2020 the whole world had stopped. Nobody was doing anything. There were no meetings or conferences. Workloads were abbreviated. Expectations were reduced. 2020 felt like a semi-retirement transition. I was able to (gratefully) slip away unnoticed.
The first few months were heady and liberating. We'd moved to Richmond and there were moments when I'd "realized my freedom" to completely do whatever, whenever I liked. But over time some internal conflicts became more obvious. After a lifetime of chores, list-making, and kid-raising, coupled with the daily slog and dramas of work, it's hard to shift into a mode devoid of any obligation, with complete freedom to determine how time is spent. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal by an expert on retirement struggling with his own transition, summed up the issue well, noting. "For now, I have two angels perched on my opposite shoulders. One whispers in my ear, “Relax!” The other asks, “Shouldn’t you be doing something?”
That impulse to "do something" takes on a new urgency with the heightened realization that we're on the downward slope of our journey. There is a saying that retirement consists of the "go-go" years, the "slow-go" years and the "no-go" years. A keen awareness that there's a limited time left for new experiences or to pursue long-delayed goals tends to focus our attention. So, rather than relaxing, the habits of organization and planning continue into our final years, as long as they can be sustained, and turn out to be valuable traits for more personal fulfillment.
Some answers to common questions and revelations:
Do you miss working? I certainly miss many of the people. But the work; absolutely not! While some people truly enjoy their work (and God bless them), the idea of waking up at the crack of dawn, struggling with traffic and weather to battle corporate bureaucracy and drama just to satisfy obligations of someone else's goals and expectations has rarely been satisfying. Not that I wasn't conscientious. I took great pride in my performance. It's just that my identity was never about my job.
What do you do with your time? For now, the momentum and discipline from work and parental life has kept the wheels spinning into an active retirement calendar. We've traveled a good bit (see other posts). I've joined the gym at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU), working out several times a week -- joined a continuing education program at University of Richmond, attending classes and social events. We've joined the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts (VMFA), accessing special exhibits and a memoir-writing workshop. A cliché of retirement; I've spent more time golfing and we're biking, kayaking and playing pickleball. Drums have also been a daily constant; learning new techniques, grooves and strategies along with composing and recording. Growing herbs, learning to cook more; and continuing to garden. Many of the creative outlets I'd envisioned. And reading - almost to the point of distraction. Each day is filled with the New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, The Richmond Times, The Atlantic, National Geographic, financial news, etc. The nights are left for books, with an endless 'to read' list of fiction and non-fiction.
Yet, the most anticipated and ambitious goals of retirement, to date at least, have been elusive. Writing a series of essays, books and illustrated memoirs has been slow-going, as has genealogy research. So to has 'multi-media' production; learning and producing audio, photography and video compositions. Even the drumming and music production is not at the pace I'd expected.
Therein lies one of the great risks of having endless time. There are no real deadlines. The task can always be put off until tomorrow. Eventually, the 'relaxing' angel can win by default. When talking retirement with the growing number of folks in the same boat, the discussion frequently gravitates to keeping busy with a schedule; if not always carved in stone.
This web site - Gigantics (a play on my nickname and hobbyist creations) - serves as my loadstar, both as a platform and a projects agenda. The framework defines the goals and populating the framework becomes part of a daily roadmap. When time is not consumed with other daily tasks or activities, these become the focus of structure and discipline. At least it's personal now.
The habits of a lifetime are hard to break and the surprising revelation following a career is that they continue and can actually serve us well. There is certainly comfort in having a degree of financial freedom and an open calendar. It allows us to look over a shoulder and think, 'wow, I've finally made it.' But it also forces a realization that the road ahead is shorter and we need to make of it what we can….while we can.
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