2018

Death In Life - Feb. 20

In many ways I’ve been conscious and preparing for death all my life - not taking career etc, too seriously.

Shifting - April 14

I find myself shifting along the tide of popular reaction to Trumpism

More pro- international trade - which I was already

More pro-international interventionism to protect the world order of democracy. More fiscal responsibility, Etc

The Republicans have the problem of being pulled the other way

Go With The Flow - June 23

After fretting about screwing up at our recent fundraiser in speaking to the crowd, I read a column by Alexandra Petri in which, speaking about her wedding, said what she really likes it 'when things go wrong.'   And that completely changed my perspective on whether I screwed up or not.   

My point is that I think we (I) have to just appreciate the flow and flaws of human interaction; not try to be so controlled or ordered.   This is a similar characteristic I've been thinking about with my drums -- maybe a metaphor for my character & personality.  I've tried to be so controlled that I'm stiff and unnatural and more likely to make errors by looking at things too carefully -- focusing on the blades of grass rather than the forest.

On the drums I've noticed that if I just sit down and play, with just emotion, without preconceived notions or fretting about a single bass drum note, etc., I actually do much better. My drinking plays into this.  I'm so nervous and uncomfortable in performance situations that a drink or two will get me to the point of not being so uptight.   But the trick is to not overdo it.

Maybe my getting to an age where I shouldn't have to worry about impressions will help…..

Exerceses To Freedom - June 23

I need to start doing things that will realize and accentuate my freedom.

I have spent so much time - virtually all of it - preparing to live; getting things organized, making lists for future action, wishing, planning, making sure everything is perfectly organized before I can actually live -- and waiting until that day when I can do all of it.   Presumably when I retire.    

Ironically, I also feel constrained by a clock around my neck - that I have the pressure to do things in a measured time - that other things need to be done.  Which partially means that my expectations of what should be done in a given day or timeframe is too ambitious.  Ideally, I should be so lost in a project that the clock doesn't matter.

But I have to deliberately do some things that break away from the list-making and organizing.  Otherwise, my life will have completely passed by in preparation -- which is tragically weird.

So, while this will be an imperfect process, and I'll still need to structure time and effort for work, chores, etc., I need to take a clue from Martha and just break away to live.

So, I'm resolving to try some changes;

• Photos - Actually start taking pictures and experimenting with processing and displaying.  Don't worry about categorizing and collecting so much

• Drums - Just play - and record to songs and make some up.  Worry less about the rudiments and playing perfectly to form

• Programs - Start experimenting with all those apps and programs for photos & music - instead of just collecting them. 

• Writing - Work on that book(s), write columns - focused, dedicated time.

• Inspiration - get out - take a walk, do nothing, go back to reading philosophy and scribbling.

• Spontaneity - do some things that break away from the norm.   Go to a museum or someplace different when there are no time constraints -- which is now pretty frequent.

• Explore - go on trips, bike rides, kayak, do more recreational things - break out the time.

• Mindfulness - the subject of other columns - slowing down the clock to be more aware of the 'now' and not the future or past.

The main thing is to manage expectations of what can be done in a day.  Taking off to do something fun, even at the expense of 'the list' needs to be done.   Don't let the clock dictate so much.

Interview with Stephen Colbert and Oprah - the reaction to 'fear'……?

I also have to acknowledge that my need to 'organize' is an instinct that needs to be satisfied  - with some time spent on it. 

Police - Nov. 6

Whenever I’ve been in Europe - any part - I’ve never felt my civil liberties were threatened by the local police.  But I have in my own country. 

Just sayin’.